Life is so much better after having sex.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
