I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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