I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
operation have a gay friend backfired
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
