just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
