Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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