Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
