I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
