she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
