you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
