i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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