mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize