my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
