somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i've created a new STD.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
