Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
