Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
