we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
