and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
