worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
