Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I faked an abortion last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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