would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
