he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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