RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i will never coherently bang her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
