Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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