I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
