its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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