I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
