you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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