I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
