I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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