Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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