Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
