Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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