I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
