I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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