glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
