we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize