is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
