because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
