I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
