Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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