Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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