please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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