just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
