I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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