He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
