I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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