I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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