I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
