my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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