The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
