After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
