You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
