yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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