I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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