before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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