Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so let's talk penis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am available for nakedness
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
