Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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