smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would fuck him just for his dog
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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