My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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