You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
