Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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