After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
