I wish I could teleport
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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