no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
