he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
