I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize