i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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