Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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